Friday

Conquests - Part 6

I have been locked in a bathroom with Jewel.

A few years ago I worked for a rodeo events & promotions company. The best part was getting to travel all over the country and meet rodeo heroes I grew up watching on TV. Some of the events my company worked with were for the PBR (Professional Bull Riders) - - so instead of a barrage of rodeo contenders and livestock, I was surrounded by the nitty-gritty bad-boys of rodeo and very large and angry bulls. I can't count the number of times my ass got slapped by the bull-riders in the two years I traveled with the circuit.

As some Jewel fans may know, she has been in & out of a relationship with one particular bull-rider over the last few years. The issue I always had with her was that she would pitch a fit if she didn't have "special seating" away from the general public. Not all arenas have seating over the bull chutes, or a reasonable way to fence off a "celebrity section" for her special little self. Now when our events would travel to California, NORMAL celebrities would buy tickets, sit with the crowd, and buy beer like anyone else. Even when that would happen, Jewel (or her boyfriend) would request special seating for her glorious ass of fame. It was a thorn in my side, and on more than one occasion she had one of her travel buddies come tell me what had been arranged was unacceptable, even though it was away from the mere mortals that sat in general seating elsewhere in the venue.

Whatever. I was a fan of her music, I didn't need to like her personality...

At some venues, the agreement was that the cleaning crew wouldn't come through until the morning after the event (some of our cowboys enjoyed hanging out in the locker rooms after an event). My staff was always at a venue for at least 4 hours after the night was over to wrap up contracts, write checks, and pack up. I ventured into one of the alternate bathrooms near out office to wash my face around 11:00 PM. The event had been over for two hours, and we had at least two hours before heading back to the hotel. I walk in and start scrubbing my face as Jewel comes through the door, squawking on her cell phone. She visited the toilet (while on the phone) and as I was heading towards the door to leave, I heard keys turning the dead-bolt on the bathroom door. I hung my head, with an idea of what was about to happen...

Jewel came out, washed her hands, then looked at me with a "fuck you" expression. She was still twittering on her phone as she walked toward the door, grabbed the handle, then realized we were locked in. "Oh my God! I am trapped in a bathroom with some redneck. Get someone down here right now!" It occurred to me that whoever was on the other end was in the building, yet she couldn't be off the damn cell long enough to piss.

Not once did she acknowledge that I was in the same room, and 15 minutes later someone finally came by with a the cleaning crew to get us out. I haven't bought a CD from that bitch since.

7 Comments:

Blogger Debra said...

haha Yeah, I wouldn't buy her CDs anymore either after that kind of attitude. Of course she would have got back double from me, and chances are I wouldn;t have even realized she was that Jewel (as opposed toa random chick named Jewel) even if we'd been introduced 10 times... lol.

Celebrity = 0 in my book. No + or -, just 0.

3:43 PM  
Blogger RayRay said...

That is great, because I have met her twice, and unless you are willing to kiss ass to her and her boyfriend, Ty (He's in the miller lite man law commercials- only one with a cowboy hat), you would get a second glace. In her mind she is music and rodeo royalty agh! BTW I used work for the PRCA. So we may be stories to tell, ha, ha .

5:49 PM  
Blogger Conqueress said...

Debra - Unfortunately, my job at the time depended on being nice to the cowboys and whoever they were knocking boots with (AKA Buckle Bunnies). I just make it a point to tell as many people as possible about my story to prevent further purchasing of her music and effect her pocketbook in some small way... If you want her music, download it for free :-)

RayRay - I had no idea you'd been with the PRCA. After my company broke from the PBR, we started our own rodeo competition using contacts from the PRCA. I still get X-Mas cards from some of those crazies!

6:04 PM  
Anonymous GRILL said...

I cant say i've ever had a brush with greatness like the likes of jewel -- i'm happier with brushes of TRUE greatness from people like YOU and RAY (RayRay... heh! nice LoPan picture!! THAT'S AWESOME!!) and the rest of the wonderful people i'm blessed to have in my life!! I wonder with all the BS poetry jewel writes if she's ever really just gotten over herself?? Apparently NOT if she's upset she's stuck in a bathroom with a REAL superstar and all she can think to say is that yammering that she had the nerve to say about you -- talk about (what i wouldnt really even call) fame clouding judgement.

If i ever DO meet her now, which i doubt if she (who hales from the ever-so-metropolitan Alaska) has some aversion to being anywhere near to entrapped with rednecks, well, I'll want to put her over my knee i think and beat some sense into her spoiled whiney boney white arse.

it never ceases to amaze me how people can be SUCH A-holes... I HOPE YOU'RE READING THIS JEWEL!

10:44 AM  
Blogger Debra said...

haha See why I couldn't work a job like that?

I love your stories. :)

2:09 PM  
Anonymous monkey said...

I was just riding in the boss' car yesterday (yes some days I play an overcompensated assistant/man-whore) and the fool was blasting her new music. I couldn't have sunk any lower in my seat as we drove through southern california.

At least it was a reprieve from having to listen to his semi-coherent rambling :)

12:32 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

I've always liked her music but, damn! She's no Gwen Stefani or Madonna when it comes to rock royalty! And to call you a redneck just because you're at a rodeo? What does that make her?

10:19 PM  

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