Laugh Until It Hurts

Thank goodness for friends. Today I had not one, but two fantastic bouts of hearty laughter. I laughed until I cried... once at lunch, and once at home. For as down-in-the-dumps as I've been lately, it felt so good to just let it out. I think the things that made me laugh today were not particularly any more funny than usual, but that I was more susceptible to just letting it all out.

Last night I had a long conversation with my brother, The Preacher. I told him I have been thinking about going back to my therapist lately. I handle life pretty well, but I have a hard time really talking to people... I really only feel like opening up when I'm paying someone to listen. No one needs to hear everything that's going on in my head, nor would most people care.

Talking to my brother helped me. While his love of God can be hard for me to understand, I am really proud of him and happy that he is following his dream. We talked about all the horrible things that are happening in society - people bringing children into the world but not wanting to sacrifice their personal lives.

My husband and I have been trying to begin our family, unsuccessfully, since January. I was pregnant... but didn't make it too far along. I tell myself the time wasn't right, anything to not feel hatred towards the woman who has tormented my life the last 3 years. Forgiveness isn't easy - especially when I make the choice every day to be kind, not scream at people, moderate my cussing, and do my job to the best of my ability.

I am afraid to bring a child into the future the world faces, but I feel obligated to prevent the stoopid people from making up 100% of the population. Someone needs to teach morals, someone needs to have faith in mankind, and someone needs to love. I love my husband more than anything in this world... and when we do conceive, my love will be for the family we are together. I don't wish ill on people - I pity anyone who can't feel love the way I do.

My brother listened - better than my therapist because he offered advice from his heart. I think I have a better understanding of why I feel like I do, and today it was easier to walk into work, smile throughout the day without forcing it, and really truly laugh out-loud.