The Best of September - Horror Stories From Advertising

Tar Heeled Ginger Kid - To make things simple we'll call her Ginger. This woman is shifty... like a toddler who has been hyped up on caffeine from drinking an entire pot of coffee. She has energy that oozes out of her pores - and is on a high so much of the day that it sucks the life out of the people around her. I think she has a crack habit - truthfully. Ginger came into the company a bitter divorcee who had to go back to work because the spousal support ran out. Initially she was out for blood - ready to prove her worth because she HAD to keep the job. She didn't get the proper training when she was hired - so she would bark orders at people when their job responsibility had nothing to do with her. Now if she had been more kind I'm sure more people would have been happy to help (IF being the operative word). She had fewer responsibilities than most of the employees that are 1/2 her age - and she still couldn't handle the light load. Even so - to prove her worth she requested to be in charge of the holiday committee. She bossed the holiday team around - ordered absolutely pointless gifts from an overpriced outlet company - and when everything came there were only 2 days to wrap the gifts and get them shipped out in time for Christmas. The Biscuit soon placed Ginger as a lead on one of the largest accounts in the company. The first month on the job an entire advertising campaign had to be moved back a WEEK because Ginger forgot to schedule production time. EVERY MONTH since Ginger was placed on the team - the campaigns have needed to be moved because of her.

She must be illiterate. The company had a parking lot resurfacing project... and NUMEROUS e-mails were sent saying when it would probably be happening and what employees could expect to see if they were at work the day the project started. The day comes - and the parking lot looks like a flight path - Caution tape blocking off the areas where the resurfacing is happening, signs directing people around the tar covered areas, everything was OBVIOUS. Ginger takes her happy ass right over the caution tape and past the signs and walks in a straight line through the tar to the building entrance and leaves her high-heeled foot prints on the pavement, on the carpets, and straight to her desk. A short time later one of the building maintenance guys walks around outside and sees the footprints on the sidewalk... so he follows the prints through the door, along the carpet, and to her desk like a how-to-dance booklet. He asks her, "Are these your footprints?" And while it was obvious they were Ginger's - he was hoping that maybe a station rep came into the building and just used her desk. Ginger said, "Yep - it looks like it. Maybe you should start cleaning that up." That stupid bitch. The prints still lead across the sidewalk, through the door, and to her desk. You can't exactly wave a magic wand and get out tar stains.

Prom For Little-Known-Unloved-Fat-Chicks - When I first learned of this event I thought it was too good to be true. It's like a blogger's wet dream. Jiggles is a girl who can't get her tiny brain beyond middle-school. She is a hateful person who is married to a loser who refuses to work. I tend to trust my first instinct when I meet people - and when I met her I sensed a looming evil... the kind that sucks light out of space like a Black Hole. Evil. I made it a point to avoid her from day one. There was a time when a group of us were planning a surprise Bridal Shower for a woman at our sister company, and we went on a shopping trip to buy party favors. As we were pulling out of the parking lot - Jiggles ran out and flagged us down, and then jumped into my vehicle. I didn't say much as we drove down the road. I just listened. The women were all talking about a recent shopping trip they had gone on and Jiggles said, "Well now you all know how I get such great deals... Just swap the tags from sale items and then you don't have to wait for markdowns." Wow... the woman gives me the creeps and she's a thief.

Six months later - I was walking through the Account Rep area one day when a group of women (the clique that give me a bad feeling) were gathered around Jiggles work station looking at pictures. As I went by I asked if everyone was having fun... and the group got quiet. I dropped off some paperwork to the department manager and as I passed a second time Jiggles said, "We're looking at pictures from Prom" and then they all laughed. I thought it was a bit stupid being out of high school 10+ years to be bringing in pictures from prom. I just went on by. Later that afternoon I got a call from my friend and spy in the department who explained everything. The group of gals had worked with a bunch of business associates around the city who had never gone to Prom in high school - to re-create the event for a bunch of adults. They rented out a conference room at the Holiday Inn, created a theme and ordered wine glasses to reflect the idea, and they decorated. Things get weird and twisted from there - they made the hotel put on the lighted sign "Welcome Elder High Prom". It was the made-up name they created since everyone was from all over the country and not one particular school. This event was planned so far out that they created small yearbooks for everyone who attended - and while these people were all married (many with children) the yearbook listed what famous people different women were married to - how many fictitious children these women had with said celebrities - where they were living and in how expensive of a mansion - with full pictorials done in Photo Shop. Talk about Desperate Housewives. It made me wonder what kind of dickless husbands these psychos were married to. My husband would have laid down the law if I had tried to get involved in something like this (not that I would because it's CRAZY). As I understand there were a lot of women who went without their husbands because the men simply refused. They hired a photographer to set up a cheesy backdrop - they hired a DJ to play a specific song list - they even had Prom King and Queen. What the fuck is wrong with this picture?

If this happens in my corner of the world - how many other sick idiots do this type of shit? Scary to think about. Oh! Jiggles got fired from the company shortly after Prom too. Such a shame.