The Best of March - Horror Stories From Advertising

Excessive drinking becomes a way of life when one works for my former company. Many employees are currently battling the demons caused by that place with alcohol. I can't blame any of them...

So the company recently renovated their lobby - I imagine to keep up their image for when clients come to visit. I've seen the changes, and it is impressive for people coming in the front doors to see nice furniture, designer flooring, and a 2-story water feature... but each my friends who still work there have all said, "There goes my raise for the next 5 years."

At a cost of just over $100,000 - you're damn right! You can figure that with an average of 55 non-manager employees, that's over $1,800 per person (managers get a separate bonus each year). Yes - it's an investment in the future... but maybe if the agency invested in their employees there would be even MORE money to go around.

I busted my ass at the agency for 3 years with no raise - only empty promises from that evil bloodhound-faced bitch I refer to as The Boss. In my former department, only 2 out of 11 people had received a raise since 2005. The two people were the eldest members of the team who were both hard workers, but no more so than anyone else.

One afternoon the group of us decided to go to the bar after work to decompress. I soon learned that one employee who had been a personal friend of The Boss was only offered a raise when she turned in her 3-week notice. Apparently, in her 13 years with the agency, she had only received 2 raises! WTFO? How desperate do you to be to allow any company to do that to you?

Anyway - back to the drinking problems. The company tried to boost morale last year with an over-the-top summer picnic as well as a trip to Denver to watch the Rockies play (again - forget raises - apparently people really want crappy seats to a baseball game and a disorganized picnic). Woowoo! I think the managers know they drive their employees to drink - because they provided excessive amounts of alcohol at the company picnic and on the bus to and from the Rockies game.

Look! I'm crushing a Dodgers player like Zeus would from Mt. Olympus!!!

Is there anything wrong with providing alcohol? No - unless the managers knowingly let drunk people drive themselves home from said events where the company provided the drinkage.

On the bus ride home from the Rockies game there were 50+ dehydrated employees hitting the alcohol. Some had just a beer, but there were a few others who took it past the point of being appropriate. I had my camera with me that day (I started taking my camera to all company events for blackmail purposes). I have pictures of several ladies pouring beer on each other for a wet t-shirt contest. I have pictures of some gals trying to smother a married male manager with cleavage. I have pictures of a gal who took her pants off because her clothes were soaked with alcohol and quote "They were feeling itchy". I would say about 15 of the people on that field trip were belligerently drunk by the time the bus got back to the office.

To be fair - the owner of the company expressed great concern about the welfare of the drunken people. He offered to pay for taxis for anyone who felt they had too much to drink. HOWEVER, one of the managers trumped him. The manager asked each of the drunk people if they were good to drive home. Many of the employees said they would have some water in the lunchroom at the office and would be fine to drive, a few caught a ride home with a co-worker and said they would get their vehicle the following day.

Two employees were so drunk they were incoherent. Both of them drove home. Thank God they didn't kill anyone or the company would be out-of-business from liability suits!