Friday

Fat Bitch Strikes Again

I am going to hurt my neighbor if she doesn't leave the neighborhood soon. It would probably go beyond hurting her if I could hide the body... but how do you hide the corpse of a 5'10" 400 pound woman?

So this morning was the last walk-through on my home for the 1 year warranty program. Basically this was my last chance to go over any home issues before my warranty expires with the contractor and my husband and I are on our own. Honestly, since our basement flooded right after we moved in, there have been only a couple of little issues (knock on wood). Considering the horror stories I have heard from people who have gone through other home builders, I am blessed.

Anyways - - my warranty guy shows up to do my walk-through. He comes in and whispers, "Your neighbors kid is wandering unsupervised again." I look out the door past my warranty guy, and sure enough my neighbor's kid is tooling around in my front yard. Well after the last fiasco (see I Hate Mean People for more info. on the bitch) I decided to head back into my house and leave it alone. So as my warranty guy gets ready to work on the few issues I had, the doorbell rings. It's the evil neighbor.

"I am so sorry. My son just went running away from me and broke your globe." I look past her to see my decorative gazing globe that I have had for 3 years shattered on my walkway. What do you say? "I know you weren't watching your child again and now he's broken something of mine." What I actually spit out is, "Oh. Well that's okay. I can just go out and get a new one." "I just can't believe how fast he's getting. Maybe he'll be a runner someday! Wouldn't that just beat all!" "Yeah, like I should beat you in the face for being a shitty parent." "Yeah. That sure would, haha." "Just tell me what you want me to do... I can go buy you a new one or get you a gift certificate or anything." "I want you to eat shit and die!!!" "Well, they run about $30. I'm sure I can find a new one." She apologizes again, then goes and gets me $30.

Keep an eye on your fucking child, you fat whore! There are people out there even more evil than me who would eat your baby for walking on their lawn. Just because this is surburbia doesn't mean everyone else will watch your damn kid.

3 Comments:

Anonymous rosie said...

I can't even imagine what you could be doing to not notice your kid getting outside. Well, one of your relatives has a little boy. When he was about 3 I think his mom went to answer the phone or something and he managed to take off all his clothes and get outside! Can you imagine your kid running around your front yard naked! lol. I'm sure that it's hard to keep and eye on them at that age, but seriously you think your neighbor would know better after it has happened so many times.

How was your time with your niece?

3:58 AM  
Anonymous Monkey said...

I'm impressed that she bothered to repay you at all!

9:20 AM  
Blogger Pammeey said...

Won't it be fun when/if you ever move out to tell this woman how you really feel? You handled the situation with class.

4:01 PM  

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