Everybody Loves A Cynic

My favorite little squirrel... FOAMY!!!

Check out these ranting episodes by Neurotically Yours! My personal favorites include Episode 52 "Squirrel Songs", Episode 60 "Amityville Toaster", and Episode 74 "A Pair of Pants".

If you don't have a sense of humor, please do not bother visiting this site.

Magic Mormon Panties

Another interesting study of religion - - I grew up in a small town as I've mentioned before. A better description would be a town of 1 grocery store, 2 gas stations, an elementary / junior high / high school, 5 bars, and 7 churches. A happy little place indeed. For being such a small town people needed bars to drink away the woes of a bad harvest (wheat mostly), and they needed churches to pray away their sins from drinking too much.

The churches were of all different sorts, but the two largest were Mormon. Why we needed two LDS churches in the same damn community is beyond me, but that did mean the majority of kids in school were Mormon. As per most communities, Mormon boys were the most innocent & clueless creatures ever to greace the halls of my school. Of course, the Mormon girls were easy.

I was an odd-ball, one of about 35 students in the entire school system who did not attend church, EVER. My family had lost religion when my mother's mother died a God-fearing Methodist who followed all the rules and suffered greatly at the hands of 5 heart-attacks. My mother decided there was no God because someone who worshiped Him should never have died in such a painful way. Being the odd-ball had its benefits. I became friends with all sorts of kids - - jocks, cheerleaders, geeks, goths, brainaics, and anyone in-between.

There was a girl whose family was hard-core Mormon, LDS, Latter-Day Saints, whatever. She would come to me during library time and talk to me about her parents, how they were hoping she would go on a mission and spread the word of God, and how they greatly desired for her to marry before she turned 20. There was a lot on her plate as far as the expectations go. In a quite conversation she once asked me, "Have you ever heard about the Mormon Undergarments?" "No. Do you have to order your underwear from a special catalogue?" "Sort of. Here, let me show you what my mother gave me this weekend." She and I giggled looking through a modest handout for ordering "Magic Underwear", along with a few other religious items as related to the Church.

I remembered this encounter a couple of days ago and decided to do a little searching to see what the internet could tell me. Check out these links for some good reading:

Mormon Underwear
Former Members Discuss The Garments
The Symbols - Pagan, Masonic, or Satanic?

To Take Away What You've Learned

The below link is for a speech given as the 2005 Commencement address to Stanford University by Steve Jobs. Many of you who visit me regularly are going through difficult times... problems with significant others, problems at work, problems financially, just tough luck all around. It was by chance I found this article earlier this week and it got me to thinking - - It is a bit long, but well worth the read.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Don't Knock On My Door

Alright, story time kids! I have come up with the best way to keep those damn Bible-thumpers off your front steps forever... and it doesn't involve getting naked, worshipping the devil, or weapons of any kind.

Not long ago I was home on my day off. Typically I'll clean the house, do some laundry, run errands, blah, blah, blah. On this particular day I was in the dining room balancing the checkbook when the doorbell rang. I got up, went to the door, and looked through the peep hole. Outside I could see an older gentleman likely in his late 70s, a 20-something guy, and a middle-age woman. All were dressed nicely and the first thing that popped into my head was that I had some Holy-rollers just itching to tell me all about Jesus.

Our front door is rather inviting... a nice deep red color with a dragon-head door knocker. Most people love it. When I opened the door to this friendly looking bunch, I was immediately asked by the youngest man, "What would posess you to have a symbol of the devil on your front door?" I was half tempted to play devil's advocate and say, "Because I worship the devil." Instead I said, "It's a dragon... my entire house is decorated in Renaissance style."

Not satisfied, the middle-aged woman said, "Child. I think you need to learn about our Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ. He can lead you down a better path to eternal salvation." Which was followed by the old guy stating, "Truly you seek salvation in the Kingdom of Heaven."

I don't play these games. If I wanted salvation, I would seek it our myself... doesn't God help those who help themselves? Like a well-oiled machine, the three individuals on my front steps continued to talk in a perfectly rehearsed manner, one holding out a phamplet expecting me to simply take it, another opening the Bible to quote scripture, and the other telling me their actual religious affiliation.

Irritated, I interrupted them and said, "How am I supposed to believe you are really from a church? Do you see all of the empty driveways here? Can't you see this is a working-class neighborhood? It's a week-day, everyone is at work!!! How do know that you're not caseing the neighborhood to see who's not home on what days? Get the hell out of my community before I call the cops and tell them about your suspicious activities!!!"

The three of them scrambled to the sidewalk, saying they would pray for me... and they went straight to their car and left. Our neighborhood hasn't seen any more folks from that church since. I am SO burning in hell.

Montana Meth Project

It is so sad, but true.

Youth & Teen Methamphetamine usage is going through the roof around the country. It's cheap, it's easy to get, and it is incredibly addictive. Click the picture to see more about the controversial ad campaign Montana has launched. After years working in retail and kicking many Meth addicts out of my store for shoplifting or loitering... I think the campaign may be a step in the right direction.

The concept is harsh, the advertisements are frightening, but take a drive through Montana and you will see the above billboard (and many others) along the roadways, hear the radio spots, and see the TV commercials all trying to reach kids before Meth does.

The Drama Is Over

Funny, but why do scenes from Office Space always come to mind when there's a shakedown at work?

The whole hubub from Monday should have turned about 1/3 of the company's employees into Superstars (scrambling to prove their worth before the official layoffs began). Instead, the idiots who can't even finish a simple task turn spotlights away from them (onto easy targets like new employees), then continue coming to work late / leaving early / calling in drunk (see Thongie & The Fish). Their managers respond by promoting them!!!

I am simply disgusted by the turn of events. Not much money is being lost to the advertisers who are taking their business elsewhere when you look at the grand scheme of the company. What is chapping my ass is the fact that there is less money coming in and managers are handing out promotions like cheap prizes at a company picnic.

Grrrrr.

I Know Nothing, BUT...

Don't you just love pointless weekly meetings? We have them... and it goes the same every time. One person talks about the weekly production schedule, 5 people ask, "Why am I not on the schedule? I left a voice-mail for The Spaz and thought everything was worked out!" To which the scheduler replies, "The Spaz is out sick, and I haven't checked her messages. Can you put it in an e-mail?" It never fails, happens every week... and yes, The Spaz is out sick nearly every Monday (being upper-management is so difficult). Next, everyone mentions any odd-happenings as related to their department to give a "heads-up" to the room full of people who could care less, and then we all watch the fantastic array of commercials assembled the previous week.

Now there have been some BIG company changes happening over the last couple of weeks, and everyone in the building is sort-of in the loop. Typically management will give everyone the official update the the Weekly Meeting to sooth the "Buzz" and get everyone on the same page to prevent too much speculation. Apparently things have changed to that effect, because today all of management was blissfully cheerful and silent about what the hell is going on... and immediately after the building-wide get together, all of the management staff shuffled into The Moneyman's office and closed the door.

Now the gossip is really flying, people are concerned about their jobs, about the welfare of the business, and what the truth is behind the rumors. Kind of scary - - I guess we'll see what this week brings.

Quit Yer Bitchin!

I love living where I live! The views are amazing, the air is clean, and the weather is nice (although unpredictable). I think my second biggest pet peeve (first being stoopid drivers) is that no matter the season, no matter the weather, people find it necessary to bitch about everything weather related. In the last two weeks the weather has ranged from the high 80s to the low 30s, with sun, wind, rain, sleet, fog, and the like. I love the variety in weather... it makes any piece of my winter/summer wardrobe pretty much interchangable from season to season, and it's fun to see what the day is going to bring.

I have yet to hear anyone I work with say something nice about the weather without a complaint immediately afterward. The following statements have been said to me in the last two weeks:

"The temperature is ok, but it is just too sunny."
"I wish when it gets cold like this it would just snow."
"It would be a beautiful day if the wind would stop blowing."
"Why is it so hot in my car? The sun has only been out 15 minutes!"
"All this humidity makes my sinuses happy, but my hair keeps going flat."
"Shouldn't April showers be here by now? It's too hot & dry for this time of year."
"It seems colder than I thought it would be, I shouldn't have to be wearing a coat in May!"

The people who make the above statements are also the types who ask when the summer heat hits 100+ "Is it hot enough for ya?" I hate them all! I appreciate the variety we have. If the weather were the same all the time it would be like eating Corn Flakes every breakfast for the rest of your life. I'd prefer to get Diced Ham & Eggs, Toast with Strawberry Jelly, Bagels with Garlic Herb Cream Cheese, Honey Nut Cheerios, Crossiants, Fruit Slices & Yogurt... even if I don't choose the meal, I can be happy it's something new.